Establishing MUTUAL TRUST

Not only did I have to earn their trust, they had to earn mine!

I am working alone as I shoot and going inside these wooden boxes is sort of a requirement so I had to get over my fear and decide that I can trust some people.

My first day shooting alone was sort of scary.  I really wanted to move this series along which means I needed to convince people to let me in their homes. But once inside the best shots will be a mixture of artificial and natural light from the door so I need to be standing deep inside the room and they needed to be close to a door or window.

Ok, lets think about this. I am a girl alone with thousands of dollars of camera equipment and I am asking people (mostly men) to go inside their shanty and have them block the entrance?  Yes!  Indeed this sounds insane! But if I want to do this project then this is how it has to be done.

Title: Jerome's Porn Http://www.marylou.us/chaos

So here I am alone in a camp with a lot of people around. Some people like me and some do not. Some I have already photographed. I need to meet someone new and see if I can get them to let me take a portrait inside their home.

Before long I met a big dark skinned black guy named Jerome.  He was from Jamaica with a bit of an accent. Says he is in college and lives in the camp. Wow was he ever big. He was 6’3” at least and weighed about 240 pounds. He said he wanted to show me something inside his house. I wasn’t sure if I should be thrilled that I found someone to photograph or freaked out that this guy could hurt me.

I guess I was more fearful than I would admit because I didn’t want to go past his front door. If I were to get in a battle with this guy I would not win. He says “ You can’t see it from there. Come in and sit on my bed.” I was getting scared. This was so dumb. I should not go in. This guy could totally hurt me. Jerome started to pick up on my apprehension and says “Are you scared?  I won’t hurt you.  I promise. Please.” Great that comment just made my fears worse.

I was scared because people in my personal life were telling me to be scared and to stop this project but my gut said that I needed to do this documentary and whimping out was not an option. Besides, I was the one who decided the best shots were from the inside. I needed to have faith that I was there that day for a reason.   I went in and set on the bed.

When I looked up at what he wanted me to see so badly I started to laugh uncontrollably. Jerome said “ See I told you had nothing to worry about with me.” God was he ever right about that. What he wanted me to see was his collage of naked men with all their male glory. Yes indeed it was  male Porn. No,  Jerome was not interested in me at all!

So much for the great light from the doorway. There was not enough light inside to make a photograph of the porn without a flash. Early on in those days I was just working with an off camera strobe. Now I have battery operated studio strobes.

Not only did I feel relaxed enough to photograph Jerome but he brought me into his world of men dealing with their sexuality.  The island had a subculture of transvestites, transexuals and male protitutes. This is a world that lived outside the vision of my catholic upbringing in the foothills of Appalachia.

Please check out my website for this project at http://www.marylou.us/chaos .  I also have a facebook presence at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Photographer-MaryLou-Uttermohlen/201723200603?ref=hl . This part of the project was made possible by an individual artist fellowhip of $5,000 from the State of Florida.

Portraiture rather than reportage

One day I disregarded the advice to avoid the crack block at the Miami River encampment and took a photograph without permission. I was watching people with the door of their home open. The river was in the background and the shanties in that area were well constructed with great carpentry. I thought that since the people in the shanty were unaware of me it made for a good shot. Or so I thought at the time.

Before long an angry man shouting in Spanglish was in my face and demanding the film. If I didn’t give it up he was going to hurt me. So I rewound the film to opened the back of my camera and gave him the leader off the roll. I was being sneaky and actually saved the shot that I latter determined wasn’t worth the effort.

I learned two things from that experience. First of all, stick with the people I am familiar with and trust. Secondly, if I’m going to be hanging out at homeless camps alone I can only photograph people who are aware of me and grant their permission. That is why my series is primarily portraiture. It tells the audience that I am present in the moment because I have permission to be there.

There was a wide range of people who would hang out with me but did not want to be photographed.  Since I am a guest in someone's home I needed to be respectful and not offend the people who’s trust I am trying to earn. So instead of creating news photographs I concentrated on my skill of working with light and trying to pull the personality of the individuals into the images.  I am co-creating a photograph with the subject as opposed to merely taking snapshots of whatever happens. The theme allows me to slow down and watch the light, the environment and the person.

Please check out my website for this project at http://www.marylou.us/chaos .  I also have a facebook presence at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Photographer-MaryLou-Uttermohlen/201723200603?ref=hl . This part of the project was made possible by an individual artist fellowhip of $5,000 from the State of Florida. .