Defining who I AM

I started this project with a curiosity of wanting to see the inside of shanties and meet the residents of these villages. What are the lives of these people like? What leads them to this destination?  My purpose for creating this work was that I couldn’t drive by it everyday and not have my questions answered. I needed to know their story.

This first thing I learned from taking on this project was to detach emotionally from the people I was documenting. I figured this out by doing the opposite first. 

On my early camp visits I left  feeling sad. I wanted to help these people.  Perhaps I can find them jobs, bring food or collect clothing.   I was overwhelmed by a sense of “there by the grace of God go I.”  What if I were going through this experience? I was projected my feelings onto them.  

My gut reaction was to jump into action to do what ever I could to help. I was monitoring about five camps at the time and this included several hundred people.  The more food I handed out the more they wanted. The more I gave the more they needed. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that I was out of my league. On my own I am not going to be able to save the world.  I do not have the skills or the resources to make a significant difference to these people.  Quickly I discovered that I was being pulled away from my original mission to observe.

Trying to solve problems for others is NOT the best use of my gifts.  To be able to move forward and be productive I had no choice but to define who I am and accept who I am not.   I am not a social worker, an activist, a lawyer, a nonprofit, or a fundraiser and the list of who I am NOT goes on. Who I am is a visual storyteller and it is my job to simply record and tell this story about a time and place. Perhaps my photographs could affect people to take action but I need to stick to what I do best and not try to become someone who I am not.

My first lesson from STRUCTURE OUT OF CHAOS was detachment.  If I get too emotionally involved I become the story instead of a witness. If that happens my photographs are no longer honest and will become propaganda manipulating the viewer on how they should feel. The photographs would become a projection of my emotions. No one can learn without an open mind and it does not serve any good to react emotionally without knowing the facts.  From a detached state of being I dropped my emotions and concentrated solely on my mission to experience and not react to the story.