You might have noticed that I have taken a slight sabbatical from blogging. I had it in my mind that if I worked really hard on my project that I could bring it to completion in 2012. Why is it that I plan and God laughs? I spent a lot of time, energy and money submitting proposals and marketing this project trying to get it to the next level. Then all at once the rejections piled up fast and the disappointment was overwhelming. "This a great project" I am told but it is "not commercially viable." No, it is not a commercial venture at all. If it was financially self supporting it would not be taking me twenty years to get it off the ground!
Ever since I started this documentary it was hard for me to start anything new. How can I split my attention when I can not get this one exhibition completed? I do not lack passion or conviction and I truly believe this story needs told and has an audience. So why is there such a blockage in getting it the attention it deserves?
A few months ago I sort of walked away from it for a while. I couldn't wrap my head around what I was doing wrong. I also came up with a new idea to photograph a different subject. It is something that is unrelated that appears to be commercially viable and I put my attention there. While out shooting for the new venture I heard a voice asking me what I was doing. I ignored them. "Ma'am, what are you doing?" They kept repeating the question until I turned around and responded "I'm just taking a few pictures."
When I turned around I met the guy pictured above. I wish I can tell you I remember his name. I do not. I was absorbed with what I was shooting and wanted to avoid small talk, but this guy was not going to let me. With his beer in a brown paper bag he sat there like he had all the time in the world to be social. He made sure he pulled me right into a conversation whether I was interested or not.
He explained that he has been through some hard times recently and made some really stupid mistakes. Yet on a good note his life was turning around and that he was starting a new job on Monday. He is an iron worker and if the new job works out he will be back on his feet soon. Before long I was sharing my stories with him as well.
I couldn't help but ask about his housing situation. He said he was living on the streets which given the area of town where we were it was no big surprise. I pointed out to him that he looked like a young Brad Pitt. I told him "with those good looks and that pearly white perfect teeth smile there is nothing you couldn't be, do or have and yet you chose this? Wake up dude!" He is so cute even with the silly little tattoos and face piercing. His poor choices "must be driving his mama crazy with worry." He laughed and agreed and reminded me this was all about to change and that hopefully he has learned his lesson.
I told him about the Structure Out of Chaos project and he gave me a mutually beneficial pep talk. We both made each other promises to try harder and believe. You know, I am really glad I talked to him. The things he said seem to have had an effect on me and I hope I did the same for him. Neither one of us could encourage the other without hearing our own words and knowing we need to apply that wisdom to ourselves.
Last weekend I sent out yet another proposal for Structure out of Chaos and plan to do more. I'll be back to blogging about the story again soon. I intend to get this project done.
