Establishing MUTUAL TRUST

Not only did I have to earn their trust, they had to earn mine!

I am working alone as I shoot and going inside these wooden boxes is sort of a requirement so I had to get over my fear and decide that I can trust some people.

My first day shooting alone was sort of scary.  I really wanted to move this series along which means I needed to convince people to let me in their homes. But once inside the best shots will be a mixture of artificial and natural light from the door so I need to be standing deep inside the room and they needed to be close to a door or window.

Ok, lets think about this. I am a girl alone with thousands of dollars of camera equipment and I am asking people (mostly men) to go inside their shanty and have them block the entrance?  Yes!  Indeed this sounds insane! But if I want to do this project then this is how it has to be done.

Title: Jerome's Porn Http://www.marylou.us/chaos

So here I am alone in a camp with a lot of people around. Some people like me and some do not. Some I have already photographed. I need to meet someone new and see if I can get them to let me take a portrait inside their home.

Before long I met a big dark skinned black guy named Jerome.  He was from Jamaica with a bit of an accent. Says he is in college and lives in the camp. Wow was he ever big. He was 6’3” at least and weighed about 240 pounds. He said he wanted to show me something inside his house. I wasn’t sure if I should be thrilled that I found someone to photograph or freaked out that this guy could hurt me.

I guess I was more fearful than I would admit because I didn’t want to go past his front door. If I were to get in a battle with this guy I would not win. He says “ You can’t see it from there. Come in and sit on my bed.” I was getting scared. This was so dumb. I should not go in. This guy could totally hurt me. Jerome started to pick up on my apprehension and says “Are you scared?  I won’t hurt you.  I promise. Please.” Great that comment just made my fears worse.

I was scared because people in my personal life were telling me to be scared and to stop this project but my gut said that I needed to do this documentary and whimping out was not an option. Besides, I was the one who decided the best shots were from the inside. I needed to have faith that I was there that day for a reason.   I went in and set on the bed.

When I looked up at what he wanted me to see so badly I started to laugh uncontrollably. Jerome said “ See I told you had nothing to worry about with me.” God was he ever right about that. What he wanted me to see was his collage of naked men with all their male glory. Yes indeed it was  male Porn. No,  Jerome was not interested in me at all!

So much for the great light from the doorway. There was not enough light inside to make a photograph of the porn without a flash. Early on in those days I was just working with an off camera strobe. Now I have battery operated studio strobes.

Not only did I feel relaxed enough to photograph Jerome but he brought me into his world of men dealing with their sexuality.  The island had a subculture of transvestites, transexuals and male protitutes. This is a world that lived outside the vision of my catholic upbringing in the foothills of Appalachia.

Please check out my website for this project at http://www.marylou.us/chaos .  I also have a facebook presence at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Photographer-MaryLou-Uttermohlen/201723200603?ref=hl . This part of the project was made possible by an individual artist fellowhip of $5,000 from the State of Florida.